June 24, 2009: Metropolis

LOLSCHACH's JOURNAL: June 24, 2009

Local activity has not been out of the ordinary. Have been looking for places to go. Places with crime. Filth. Depravity. The cry for justice. Disney amusement parks.

Someone suggested Metropolis. Don't know about that. Have heard tales of its most prominent citizen. Must be a detective: is referred to as a "dick" quite often.

Cases in point:







Much research has been done on this individual. Perhaps best to avoid Metropolis for the time being.

June 22, 2009: Missing Baby

LOLSCHACH's JOURNAL: June 22, 2009

Heard an account today of a missing baby. Will recount tale here.

June 17, 2009: Traffic Problem

LOLSCHACH's JOURNAL: June 17, 2009

Was riding bus to pay a visit to one of Dreiberg's furry-loving acquaintances in Springfield, Virginia, when I saw this:



Hippie Veidt probably in league with the Japanese. Figures.

Got off the bus and commandeered a passing vehicle. Owner wasn't too happy. Owner should be grateful to be lending his automobile to an upstanding crusader of justice.

Will take shortcut to the city.



Hopefully will not run into any other problems.

June 10, 2009: The Undead

LOLSCHACH's JOURNAL: June 10, 2009

Burned drug dealer on a funeral pyre today. Had a vision.

Still uncertain what it meant.



Why is the ghost of Rosie O'Donnell trying to contact me?

May 29, 2009: Robot Sighting

LOLSCHACH's JOURNAL: May 29, 2009

Dreiberg left his computer on. Apparently was doing research on top-secret military schematics as opposed to toys and pornography. Curiosity got the better of me.

Led me to this site. Had to wade through Japanese encoding and lewd pop-ups before finding something... shocking.





A new clue to add to the Mission City investigation. Truckers appear to be conspiring with military, aliens: donating flame-painted, homosexual Peterbuilt trucks for use to create robotic titans capable of mating with fighter jets. Result is horrific, undeniably awesome amalgamation of the two.

Comment under top-secret photos only said, "Revenge is Coming... in My Pants."

Do not understand this cryptic statement. Wish to not explore whose pants, exactly.

Will keep possibility of robot Armageddon in mind.

March 10, 2009: Campus Visit

LOLSCHACH's JOURNAL: March 10, 2009:

Paid visit to local campus. Fat girl with iPod and Che Guevara shirt passes by, scent of Doritos seeps from her pores. Squirrel climbs tree, looking for nuts.

Liberals, intellectuals, and elitists flutter about like pretentious flies guarding an ivory tower made of excrement. Car passes by. Rap music rattles my skull, rhyming babble containing a message about hubcaps and chains and death and big butts. Head hurts.

Found car in parking lot. Subaru. Possible college professor. Must investigate further.

Took picture of car's bumper stickers. Complicated politics reduced to witty catch phrases to be consumed by a public unwilling to think. Research easier when done while sitting behind the wheel, looking forward.



Professor did not know or bother to see how to spell "Pilate". LOLSCHACH knows. LOLSCHACH learned in grade school. Pilate was a governor. Pilot is a gas station.

I have seen the face of American education. I fear it.