Thursday, May 14, 2009

May 14, 2009: Film Festival


Was watching Unsolved Mysteries to compile list of things to investigate next weekend when Veidt called. Invited me to attend film festival this weekend, has two tickets to attend. Wanted to invite Dreiberg, who is currently incapacitated.

Declined. Do not like Veidt. Do not like Veidt's company. Especially detest any attempt for him to canoodle me in the dark abyss of the celluloid gods. Chance for hands, sweaty and sticky, hopefully from popcorn butter, to reach into my personal space.

But most of all, hate film festivals out of principle. Aggregate of independent movies filmed by conceited art students attempting to shove their misguided, ambiguous, bohemian world views down the visual gullets of equally turgid audiences desperately seeking significance in meaningless, self-righteous attempts at cinematic art.

Unique, just like everyone else. Not like big budget sell-outs they hope to be someday when not making crappy movies.

Movies always follow one of a set number of formulas. Will list here. Elucidate.

#1: A [positive adjective] look at how a young group of [minority or advocacy group] overcomes adversity in [small town or 3rd world country] and discover themselves.

#2: Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Girl does not. Awkward silences in between. Black and white, still shots. Crappy music. Along the way, discover themselves.

#3: Family / friends struggle as character / characters pursue dream to be [unsuccessful profession, never "doctor" or "lawyer"]. Seek to find themselves.

#4: Western progress is bad. America is bad. Must go back to stone age. Discover selves.

#5: [Whiny advocacy group] struggles against [generic oppressor] to overcome [social malady] and bring awareness to [cause]. Journey allows them to discover themselves.

#6: Foreign film.

#7: In lonely [not New York], [number] friends form an unlikely relationship that will change their lives forever. Try to discover themselves.

#8: A struggling author/ artist/ journalist finds himself in a bizarre series of events. Finds himself.

#9: A sad woman / man must embrace [lofty metaphor] to overcome tragedy/ adversity, discover him/ herself.

#10: Gay cowboys eating pudding.

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