Journal of Wild Willy Warschach: June 15, 1880
This one horse town screams at me like a twenty gallon tumbleweed in a ten gallon hat. Reckon one of these days, folks're gonna look up at me 'n say, "Hey pardner, give us a hand, why don'tcha?" 'n I'll whisper back at em, "Not on yer life, son".
Ride into town just past sunset. All the crooks 'n critters come crawlin' outta their holes, 'bout this hour. Take one look at me 'n decide they're better off stayin' in fer the night. Good choice. Ain't in no mood ta kid around.
Sally on up ta Silky's Saloon and Cathouse. Filthy place. Got a smell about it, like a sweat-soaked bedsheet, dipped in whiskey 'n left sizzlin' in the sun. 'n Silky? Ya'll ain't never met a bigger whore than that there girl. But she ain't what I'm here fer. Not tonight, anyway.
Push open the saloon doors. Place goes dead quiet. Reckon I got myself a bit of a reputation 'round these parts. All the lilly-livered polecats what ain't got a taste fer their own blood clear on out the back 'n through the windows. Silky shoots me a couple dozen daggers. Girl ain't makin' no profit tonight. Ain't my problem.
Look over at the bar. Ain't gotta look no place else. That's where Dong Dreiberg's always sittin'. Dong Dreiberg: offspring of some Chinawoman 'n a well-to-do local. He ain't no Chinaman, though. Them's hard, honest workers. Built us them railroads 'n such. Dong got too much of his pappy in him. Soft. Lazy. More loot than he knows what ta do with.
Pull up a stool next ta Dong and get right down ta business. Know them city slickers Nikola Veidt 'n Professor Philadelphia been 'round these parts. Know they're up ta no good. Tell Dong ta spill his guts b'fore I spill em for him. Dong polishes off his sarsaparilla 'n tells me they got plans involvin' "world peace" 'n giant octopus things or somethin'. Says they done rode outta town no less then thirty-five minutes ago.
Leave the saloon 'n head on out after em at double speed. May not make it in time. May not even make it back alive. Reckon I gotta try. Warschach don't ever compromise on nothin'.
LOLSCHACH's Journal: March 24, 2009
Taken interest in tracing own genealogy. Obvious mistake. Have recently learned horrible truth about cowboys. Must destroy all evidence. Hurm.