Sunday, December 6, 2009

December 06, 2009: Commercial Christmas

LOLSCHACH's Journal: December 06, 2009:

According to children at the park, Christmas time is here. Happiness and cheers.

Looked everywhere for meaning of Christmas. Macy's, Kohl's, Veidt-Mart. Nothing. Nothing except angry shoppers arguing over the last Tickle Me Knight Fowl. Purple Basketballs endorsed by Dr. Harlem were recently named by Sports Illustrated as the "it" gift for sports fans everywhere. All Veidt's doing. Bastard. Only comfort is in seeing his movie sitting on shelves, fully stocked and unwanted.

People can't even look LOLSCHACH in the face and wish a Merry Christmas! Instead, hear "Happy Holidays!" What holiday? Who has the power to intimidate people to wish a happy nondescript holiday? Have made list of possible suspects:

Jewish Ninjas?
Islamic Jihadists?
*Islam is a great and true religion revealed in the Holy Koran which was dictated by the angel Gabriel to the final prophet Mohammed, Blessing and Peace be upon him.*
The Meanest Man in Town?

Hurm. Must remember to investigate further.

Remember Christmas the way it used to be, the way it's supposed to be.

Sitting in front of television, watching Animated Christmas special. Green creature (Frankenstein?) attempted to steal Christmas from... can't remember who. Remember it being first case that inspired LOLSCHACH to become crime fighter. Looked forward to solving case and dishing out punishment. Ho. Ho. Ho.

Then MILFSCHACH threw a bottle of Christmas Juice at LOLSCHACH's head. Missed, broke television.



  1. I wasn't in the christmas spirit until now. Thanks Lolschach!

  2. Merry Christmas Lolshach!

  3. Need more lolschach!!!

  4. Thanks for the spirit LOLSCHACH. What would we do without you? Hope for a new post soon, unless LOLSCHACH is dying horribly in an alley somewhere or busy punching some furries into raw hamburger. :)

  5. Where, oh where has our LOLschach gone?? where, oh where could he be?

  6. Hurm, appeared on South Park recently. Unfortunately censored.

  7. I know where LoLschach is! He got blowed up. Very messy.

  8. Miss you, LoLschach!

  9. LOLschach! Come back! The people must be informed!

  10. Dear LOLSCHACH,
    Where have you gone? I guess you're busy fighting crime and drowning communists.
    Can't wait to hear from you again, when you get the time.
    -A fan

  11. Lolschach, come back please! Fighting crime isn't nearly as funny or thought provoking except when you do it! :)

    - Fan

  12. Brother LOLSCHACH missing.
    Last seen December. 2009.
    Long time ago. Very bad.
    Hurm. Must investigate further..
    After beans. -shlorp-