May 04, 2009: Super-Hero Wannabes

LOLSCHACH'S JOURNAL: May 04, 2009

Visited a royal burger establishment today. The purchase of food products was satisfactory:

The only shots I will take.

Was immediately flocked by shapely females. Awkward. Embarrassing. Smell of perfume and bubble gum and alcohol was overwhelming.

They couldn't stop staring at my tiny burger.

Threw my 12 oz drink in their faces, shoved fries down one of their throats. Ran home.

Settled down in front of the television. No National Enquirer or The Sun newspapers in sight. Had to settle for the Communist News Network. Was treated to this disturbing footage:



Ehhhh.

Disturbing news, had to investigate further. Visited the "World Superhero Registry" for more news, amateur pictures.

Like Captain Planet, but stupider.

Entomo. Sole European super-hero. More concerned about environmentalism and activism than what matters most. Typical. Has probably never punched a hooker in the face or hurled a dog through a plate glass window.

Better hero than the Windows Explorer. Not as heroic as G. Chrome.

Fox Fire. Browser of the Internet. Firewall of justice. Keeper of adult sites.

Built, then rejected by, Dr. Wily

Polar-Man. Citizen of snow. Hero of hail. Will be powerful ally if polar bears decide to attack the city or when snow is blocking the entrance to Denny's. Ironically the only practical superhero listed.

Cannot look much longer, too painful. Could use less superheroes on the streets with braces, pit-stains, social disorders. Need more of my breed.