LOLSCHACH's Journal: March 21, 2009:
Recently informed that Veidt on two week vacation. Pleasure cruise with Ethiopian children. Hurm. Advertising sausage buffet. Probably doing more than feeding them.
Opportunity to follow up on his possible homosexuality. Easily broke into his office. Lack of security. Too trusting in humanity. Fool. Liberal.
Looked through files on computer before hit with need for bathroom. Just about to review file that would certainly confirm suspicions.
Then stomach rumbles. No good. Curry. Bad idea. Grab nearest book for bathroom reading. Run for toilet.
Look at book after sitting down. Bubastis' Diary.
Flip through pages. Surprisingly legible. Lots of "Rawrs", "Purrs", "Meows". Confusing. No good. Then flip to page. Diary entry for February 24. See something horrible.
Reminded of earlier investigations of fast food robberies. Robberies beginning February 24. Investigated for weeks. Culprit never caught. All comes together.
Veidt creates monster cat. Cat demands cheeseburgers. Cat attacks hamburger stands in response.
Explains everything, Wendy's disappearance, Ronald McDonald locked in clinic, Grimace's apparent suicide, cat hair in last Whopper. Ehhh.
So few left. Must warn them. I will go to the Burger King and inform him a cat seeks to destroy his castle.
Cats cannot has cheezburger. Even in the face of Armageddon, I will not compromise on this.
But first, must wipe.