Monday, May 18, 2009

May 18, 2009: Seusschach Goes Hollywood

Excerpt from "SEUSSCHACH Goes Hollywood and Other Tales", originally published October 22, 1974.

It was a dark, lonely night and Veidt’s face was quite long,
Shouting over and over, “Where did I go wrong?

“My life’s halfway through and I’ve done nothing of merit,
A nobody forever? I simply can't bear it!”

So he pondered and thought and when he was through,
He sprang to his feet, “I know just what I’ll do!

“I’ll make a movie that’s about nothing but me!
Millions will go watch it and then they will see,

“How awesome I am and that Seusschach’s a big prick!
For accuracy’s sake, I’ll add a huge glowing dick!”

And with his film’s cast in mind, Veidt ran out the door,
He’d need a crazy, a fatty, a god and a whore.

He gathered them up, but they weren’t hard to find,
He’d written the parts with his friends all in mind.

Seusschach first refused, thinking Veidt’s script was weak,
“I die at the hands of a glowing blue freak!?”

But Veidt promised Seusschach he’d be back in ‘Part 2’,
“You’re too popular to kill off! No really, it’s true!”

An extra zero on his check, Seusschach shot the scene,
Veidt shouting all the while, “You’re the next Steve McQueen!”

A year and a half later, the movie was played,
But the returns were so bad, nobody got paid!

Veidt’s movie had bombed, but he had worse things to fear,
Seusscach was outside screaming, “Open up, you queer!

“I’ve got a bat in my hands, so prepare to be trounced,
Unless you can tell me why my paycheck just bounced!”

And so he beat Veidt to death, crying, “You cheapskate! You bum!
“I knew it would flop; there were script problems from Day One!”
LOLSCHACH's Journal: May 18, 2009

Odd how the chronicles of Uncle Seusschach so closely resemble the life and times of LOLSCHACH. Suspicious. Precognition involved somehow? Must investigate Seusschach's personal life more thoroughly.


  1. Yes, better looks more closely at that one.

    Tell Seusschach that he is a genious for me, if you get the chance.

  2. =D You could fix the typo too, if you wanted.